If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize