nut hugger
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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