Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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