ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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