I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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