you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
