I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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