ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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