you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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