Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize