dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
