Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
