My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
