idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
