I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
