This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
