Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
