why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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