Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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