if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
