there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
