so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
