How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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