They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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