I hope mine doesn't look like that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
