It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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