Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
