i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
