i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
