Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
