It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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