We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
