I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
