Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
