Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
