I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
