i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
