Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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