Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're so committed to being not committed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize