I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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