Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
