me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
