and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
