I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
