Kiss
Puke
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The ass gains better be worth it
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