Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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