i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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