he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
