Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
