So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen