return my video game
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.