there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??