Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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