You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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