Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

return my video game

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(712): View more from Iowa

I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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(905): View more from Toronto

I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(305): View more from Florida

Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.

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(425): View more from Washington

If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.

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