I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
