so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize