feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
