Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
