WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
