there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
