i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
