on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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